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[The following post was made on the /b/ board of the anonymous image board SpaceChan on October 1, 7666 A.D.:]
Have you ever wondered why the development of teleportation technology abruptly stopped? Well, I know why.
What many don’t know is that there used to be a research lab on the far side of Charon. The reason why you never heard about it is because it was disguised in the imperial budget as "Additional Scientific Research Funding." That facility was where most of the work on teleportation was done. There were never more than 100 people there because they didn’t want to raise too much suspicion. I used to work as the sole janitor there.
I already know what you’re thinking: how did I get a job in a place like that? It all began in a small town on Earth. While looking for a job, I spotted a listing for a janitorial position that had an unusually high starting salary. It said it was a government job, but it didn’t mention where. I was desperate for money at the time, so I thought nothing of it. I called them up, gave them my work info, and they told me they would get back to me tomorrow.
On the very next day, a windowless black van pulled up to the motel I was staying at. When I opened the door, I was greeted by four tall men in sunglasses and black business suits. They told me they were from the government and ordered me to get in the van. My gut told me they didn’t bode well, but I went with them anyway because I wanted that big payout. They then took me to a rocket, which then took me to the Lunar Star Port. I was then loaded onto a spacecraft which took me to Charon. I was then put into an armored wagon which took me to a large facility on the far side of that moon’s surface. Once inside, I was informed that I would be a member of Project Plutonia, the cutting edge teleportation research team established by the Plutonian Science Committee. My job was to keep the place clean. When I asked them why no one else wanted to do the janitorial work despite the promise of generous pay, they refused to answer. And so, after signing an NDA, I began my janitorial duties. It was about what you would expect. No one ever cleaned up after themselves. They felt that doing so was beneath them. They expected me to do all the cleaning for them. I hated them for it, but I decided to grin and bear it because I wanted to get paid.
Since the facility was so far away from civilization, all the personnel were housed on site. They all slept in bunks and ate in the same cafeteria. I, on the other hand, had to sleep in the janitor’s closet. It was about 50 square feet, barely enough room for me to lie down. I used a towel as a blanket and some rags as a makeshift pillow. The constant smell of cleaning agents was nauseating, but it was still better than living in a motel.
The project was led by Dr. Lance Moros. I remember seeing a picture of him on /sci/ a few years ago. I instantly recognized his stern face, shaved head, and black mustache/goatee combo. He revealed himself to be a wrathful man, always yelling at people and telling them they can’t do anything right. I was on the receiving end of his verbal lashing on more than one occasion. His most faithful assistant was Gilbert Lobos. He was a fat man with a pointed nose, a bald head, and wore thick circular glasses. He was rarely seen without food in his hand. Many complained about his gluttony, but Lance ignored them. There was also Kojiko Toriami, the only woman in the whole facility. Her hair was dyed the most obnoxious shade of bubblegum pink, and she always wore a crop top, leather pencil skirt, and fishnets beneath her lab coat. She was the lab bicycle. Everyone got to ride her. Except for me, that is. She straight up told me that she didn’t want to have sex with a retard. I wished I could punch her in the face for that comment, but I knew that would not end well for me. The only person there who treated me with any sort of respect was the security guard. For the sake of his privacy, I will only refer to him as DG. He was descended from a long line of noble warriors from Texas. He always had two pistols by his side, but his weapon of choice, his pride and joy, was a double-barreled shotgun. During every lunch break, he told me about his lineage and the many great deeds and exploits of his ancestors.
I could describe all the personalities there, but I know that you’re more interested in the events that transpired, so I’ll get back on track. They started off by teleporting microscopic samples. All of those tests were successful. Before you ask, no, I don’t understand how teleportation works. I’m a janitor, not a scientist. A researcher there tried to explain it to me once, but it went right over my head. All I knew is that the team was making progress. They then began teleporting inanimate objects such as pencils and erasers. Aside from a few tiny, inexplicable burn marks, those, too, were a success.
Then they proceeded to animal testing. That’s when the troubles began. They started off with a roach. They placed it in the origin teleporter and it disappeared in a flash, but when it appeared in the destination teleporter, it was dead. They tried five more roaches. Same results. One of the scientists said that maybe the teleporter can’t do living things, but Dr. Moros demanded they try a different specimen, so they switched to rats. The first subject went in completely fine, but it came out with glowing red eyes and giant tumors all over its body. It died a few hours later. That story repeated itself with the next five rats.
"At least they lasted longer than the roaches," Dr. Moros said. He then posited that larger specimens would fare better. Some of the scientists got cold feet and suggested they change course, but Lance shouted them down. By the way, in case you’re wondering how I know all of this, I was mopping the floors in the lab where they did the testing. Because of my occupation, they probably didn’t even acknowledge my existence. They did their tests, Lance shouted at people, and I watched in awkward silence.
And then they brought in a cat. A black one. I wanted to pet it, but I wasn’t allowed. They put it in the teleporter and it vanished, and when it came back, its eyes were glowing red, its fur stood on end, drool dripped from its gaping mouth, and it was growling menacingly. It ran to the control panel and jumped on Gilbert. He screamed and flailed as the animal furiously scratched at his face. Lance ran over, grabbed the cat by its tail, swung it around, and slammed it onto the floor, breaking its neck and cracking its skull, killing it instantly. He then made me clean it up. I like cats, so this was an unpleasant experience for me. After putting that poor creature in the trash, I shed a tear for it.
Any rational person would have taken a step back and assessed their failures, but not Lance. He doubled down after every failed test, believing he was on the verge of a major breakthrough. If you’re wondering why no one spoke out or did anything about his irrationality, it’s because everyone was afraid of him. He was friends with all the top heads of the Committee. He was able to do what he wanted and they all turned a blind eye. There were even rumors that he could have people killed.
Then came the day I remember most vividly: June 6, 7666. Lance called the entire facility into the testing chamber. The room was quite spacious, so we were all able to fit in there. DG stood outside, though. He didn’t like Lance and didn’t even want to look at him. I stood all the way at the back of the crowd. Dr. Moros approached and proclaimed they were now ready to start human testing. He then asked for a volunteer. Everyone looked around awkwardly. Immediately growing frustrated, he walked around the crowd, glaring at everyone. Then he spotted me. He grabbed me by the arm, pulled me to the teleporter, and put me inside it. I didn’t resist because I was afraid of what would happen if I did. Gilbert pushed a button on the control board, and before I could fully process what was happening, bright light emerged from thin air all around me, filled the entirety of my vision, and then all was black.
Next thing I knew, I found myself falling down an infinitely deep vortex. Surrounding me was a swirling cylindrical wall of hideous faces with sharp teeth. The stench of smoke and sulfur was strong. Gruesome growls and sinister screeches reverberated all around me. My ear drums felt like they were about to rupture. My blood felt like it was about to boil. My heart was racing. Sweat was pouring down my face. My stomach twisted and turned. Red eyes glared at me and glowed with evil energies. Men with goatlike heads and legs leapt from the wall and swung their weapons, missing me by a hair’s width. Horned figures then emerged and reached for me with their reptilian claws. Men in spiked armor aimed their guns at me. I barely avoided their fiery projectiles. Then a shadowy female figure appeared before me, and just as she was about to grab me by the throat, I was engulfed in a flash of light and found myself standing in the destination teleporter.
Lance proclaimed that his efforts finally yielded success and proceeded to mock those who doubted him, but as soon as I took a step forward, I began screaming uncontrollably, as if rationality had abandoned my brain and primal fear took control. Dr. Moros ran up to me and slapped me until I stopped.
"Snap out of it, you fool!" he said. "Why are you screaming? What did you see in there?"
I told him exactly what I saw: Hell. There was no other word that could describe it. I saw Hell. Or at least, a portal to or through Hell. He smacked me again and told me I was being delirious. I described the demons I had seen, the repugnant odors I had smelled, the horrific sounds I had heard. Again he smacked me and told me that if I continued talking nonsense then he would send me to a mental ward.
Immediately after he said that, a small flame appeared in the destination teleporter and rapidly grew in size. Panic swept across the room. One of the scientists grabbed a fire extinguisher and tried to put it out, but after seeing that it had no effect, he ran back to the crowd and trembled in fear and confusion. The flames then scattered and vanished, revealing a tall and beautiful woman with a blonde bob cut. She wore a black bodysuit with neon green detailing. In her hands was a sniper rifle similar to those used by gun maidens. Resting on her head was a green beret, pinned to the front of which was a medal with a sigil on it. The crowd was instantly mesmerized by her, but I could tell by her glowing green irises that she was no good.
All was silent in the room. The scientists were unable to tell if she was real or an illusion. Lance approached her and, after heaping praise and admiration upon her, asked for her name. I don’t know how to spell it, but her name was pronounced lehr-uh-jay. He then rattled off a series of questions. She giggled, then spoke:
"Your curiosity is so cute, Lance Moros. Oh yes. I know your name. I know all your names. Or, should I say, we know your names, for I am a great and mighty being from a dimension parallel to yours. It is one of infinite pleasure, for we have the power to turn all our material desires into reality."
A few of the scientists were skeptical. Though they believed her claim of being from a different dimension, they requested that she demonstrate her powers. She smirked, then a pair of fiery wings emerged from her back. They gave off a blinding crimson light and sweltering volcanic heat. I slowly stepped back. The whole crowd was awestruck and fell to their knees in reverence. Lance crawled up to her and placed his hand on her thigh. She giggled and caressed his head. The only ones who did not prostrate themselves were myself and Kojiko. I was confused and frightened, but she had a sour look on her face.
The woman in the green beret retracted her wings and approached Dr. Toriami. "You look upset," she said with a smile.
Kojiko crossed her arms and glared. I got the impression that she did not like competition showing up. The blonde woman leaned forward and whispered something into her ear. The scientist’s expression then became one of shock and distress. I don’t know what was whispered, but maybe that woman knew about the pink-haired girl’s promiscuous ways. How she accomplished that, I do not know. And then the mysterious woman kissed her. Everyone gasped. Kojiko’s legs trembled and she fell to her knees, breathing heavily. Her eyes became glazed, as if she were under some sort of spell.
And then that strange woman approached me. She was a full head height taller than me and most of the others in the room, so I felt like a frightened child before her. She smelled like smoke. She looked down at me and grinned. As I looked into her glowing green eyes, I realized that she was the same woman I saw when I was falling through that infernal portal. There was no doubt left in my mind: she was a demon, and that sigil on that medal pinned to her beret was a demonic sigil.
I screamed and hid under one of the desks like a terrified dog. She laughed, then she walked over to Gilbert and sat in his lap. She caressed his fat face and whispered something to him. He grinned and chuckled. She got back up and he frantically flipped switches on the control board. Silence fell upon the room, and a few seconds later, another flame appeared in the destination teleporter. Just like the one that came before, it grew and then dissipated, revealing a man with tomato red skin. His jade green clothes were similar in style to that which was worn by aristocrats during the Renaissance. A long feather stuck out of his wide-brimmed hat. In his hands was an ornate musket. His hair was black and curly, his beard finely groomed, his mustache twirled, and his irises were golden. He greeted the crowd in a bold yet refined voice and introduced himself as Barbatos.
I immediately knew from seeing that man’s red skin that he was another demon, yet the scientists showed no sign of fear. They professed to be enlightened and rational, yet they were oblivious to the dangers of the forces they were dealing with. I screamed and histrionically told them all that the red man was a demon, but they all turned and stared at me blankly. It was no ordinary expression they were giving me. Their eyes seemed to show that they were in some sort of trance. I ran to the door and tried to open it, only to discover that it was locked. I tried unlocking it, but to no avail. There was nothing mechanically wrong with it. It just refused to work, as if it had become self-aware. I pounded on the door and got DG’s attention. His eyes widened when he looked in through the window and saw the red man. He ran off, presumably to get help.
I turned around and saw that the two demons were laughing at me. They then began exchanging small talk, which gave me the impression that they knew each other in a manner similar to friendship. I didn’t know if demons could be friends or not, nor did I want to know. Barbatos then spoke to the crowd:
"Your teleportation technology is a marvel to behold. You men of science are truly the most intelligent of your species. You have worked hard on this project, but I can tell from your eyes that deep down inside, you feel unappreciated. You feel like you deserve more than what you have. Fear not, for my brethren and I can make all your dreams come true. In this laboratory of yours I will assemble a mighty army, and with it, we will seize control, and all of you will become enlightened rulers of your realm. You, Lance Moros, shall have the ultimate power you crave. You, Kojiko Toriami, will have a harem of handsome lovers. And you, Gilbert Lobos, will have all the decadent treats you could ever eat. What say all of you?"
Everyone swore fealty to those two demons. I was the odd man out, but they did nothing about me. They didn’t point their guns at me, nor did they order the crowd to kill me. I began to wonder if they enjoyed watching me tremble in terror. The blonde woman again walked over to Gilbert and whispered to him, and again he fiddled with the control board. Another flame appeared in the teleporter and revealed a hideous creature. It had the body of a man and the head and legs of a goat. It was slightly hunched over and its eyes were burning red. In its hand was a crude spiked club. This process was repeated until the two leading demons had assembled a squad of one dozen of those goatmen. I continued to cower beneath the desk, dreading what they were planning next.
That red-skinned man and his companion grinned as they were about to make another proclamation, but at that very moment, DG came back and kicked down the door. He carried with him his double-barreled shotgun, two pistols, and a great deal of ammo. He took aim at the demons. The crowd screamed, ran out the door, and scattered. He pulled the trigger, and two goatmen were shredded by the pellets. I was then shocked to discover that demons bleed magma. The remaining goat-headed demons let out bleats of rage and charged. In the ensuing chaos, I crawled out from under the desk and made my way to the door. I was nearly decapitated by a blast from that blonde woman’s sniper rifle, but I managed to escape the room unscathed. I sprinted down the hall and shut myself in the janitor’s closet. After barricading the door with whatever random objects I could find, I threw a towel over myself, turned off the light, and hid in the darkness. The muffled gunshots eventually ceased. Rapid footsteps passed by, followed by another long stretch of silence. Then there came a knock. The person on the other side asked if I was okay. It was DG’s voice. I asked him, "How do I know you’re not a demon in disguise?" Then he said something that no demon would ever say:
"Jesus Christ is lord and God raised him from the dead."
I opened the door and he told me what had happened. He slew all the goatmen, but the two leading demons ran away. After I pointed out the security cameras, we went to the observation room and checked the footage. It was all static. It was as if the mere presence of demons interfered with the video signal. DG pounded his fist on the desk and left the room. A few moments later, he rounded everyone up and told them that he was in charge of the facility now. He also said he contacted the Plutonian Science Committee’s headquarters and told them about the "catastrophic accident" that occurred here. They said they would send someone over in three days. Everyone stayed quiet and kept to themselves in the meantime. Kojiko was no longer acting frisky. Gilbert stopped eating. Lance silently sulked in his room. No one dared to cause trouble with DG because they knew he was the only one with a gun.
One day later, shortly after I had lunch, I asked DG how he was able to slay those demons. He told me that he recited over the bullets a short prayer to the Lord, thereby blessing them and making them deadly to demonic forces. I asked him if their corpses were still there. He said that shortly after they died, they burst into flames and vanished, presumably sending them back to Hell. Still skeptical, I went back to the testing chamber. Just as he said, no corpses remained. There were burn marks on the wall. I recognized the one left by the shot that nearly killed me. It was unlike any I had ever seen. Lasers burn cleanly and plasma melts cleanly. This was like neither. Despite being in a rush to flee the carnage, I still remember the projectiles spewed forth by those demonic guns. They were like liquid fire. I was so shaken up by what had occurred that I didn’t even try to clean up the mess in that room.
Eventually, a team from the Committee arrived at the facility. DG told them what had happened and showed them the testing chamber. They told us they would handle things from here, and that we were to vacate the premises and never speak a word of what had transpired here. I was then loaded onto a ship and taken back to Earth, right back to the motel where it all began. One week later, I received a letter from the government. It contained a check for ten thousand dollars. Guess that was the payout they promised. That was enough to last me for a good long while. It also contained a letter telling me that if I told anyone about my experience at the facility, then I would be severely punished. I have read all about what the government does to those who spill secrets, so I took that threat seriously. When I got a custodian job at a local business and people asked me where I was for so long, I was deliberately vague, only mentioning something about contract work.
About two months after I returned to Earth, I grew curious and looked on the internet to discover the current whereabouts of everyone who worked at the facility. Every source I checked said they had retired. Most of them were relatively young, so why would they retire en masse? I tried to see if they got jobs elsewhere, but had no luck. It’s like they just disappeared without a trace. Even Lance, power-hungry fiend that he was, never moved on to a new position. After a few more days of research, I discovered that he had committed suicide. Perhaps the experience had been too traumatic for him to bear, but one detail instantly made me suspicious. The few news articles I found said he died of two bullet wounds to the back of the head. I hope I don’t need to explain why that makes no sense. Was the government systematically killing off everyone who used to work at the facility? If so, why? Were they afraid the masses would panic if they learned that scientists were bringing demons into the material realm? After this, I was plagued by so much anxiety and dread that I was afraid to leave my house on most days.
I finally earned enough money to leave this place and go off the grid. This will be my last post on SpaceChan. I had a lot of fun on this place over the years, but now it’s time to say goodbye. I already know many of you will call my story fake and dumb, but I assure you that what happened to me was very real. Let the truth be known to all the Solar System. Demons exist, and we need to guard ourselves against them. And DG, if you’re still out there, I miss ya, buddy.
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