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Demon Burger

You won’t believe what just happened to me.

I drove down to McDougal’s for lunch. Yeah, I know their food is crap, but it was cheap and nearby, so I went there. I walked in and ordered a #1. I also asked for a milkshake, but they just said, “Milkshake machine broken.” It’s always broken.

After about five minutes, they finished my order. I grabbed it, sat down, and unwrapped the burger. Just as I was about to bite into it, it started talking to me. It wasn’t talking out loud, though. It was more like it was talking directly into my mind. The first thing it said to me was, “Hey. Hey. Hey buddy. Down here.”

I looked down and the burger introduced itself as Sabnock. He told me he would give me riches beyond my wildest dreams if I did his bidding. As he talked and as I was trying to figure out what exactly was going on, I remembered that Sabnock was the name of a demon. Yeah, he was one of those demons that was mentioned in that one documentary about demonic possession. Anyway, I got a bad feeling in my stomach, and that wasn’t just from the grimy floor or the dead flies on the benches.

I told him, “Hell no.”

The burger flew out of my hands and started floating in front of me. It spewed ketchup and mustard on my face and circled around my head like an annoying fly. I ran out of the building as fast as I could, hopped into my car, and drove off. The burger pursued me. I wanted to drive faster, but I didn’t want to end up in a car wreck, so I stayed within the speed limit. That demon burger got closer and closer, but just as it was about to reach me, it got splattered by a semi.

That is the last time I’m going to McDougal’s. They put demons in their burgers. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go eat at the Tennessee Fried Zillyhoo.


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