***
[This article was originally posted on my Substack.]
Autism may seem to be a recent phenomenon, but it's actually been around since prehistoric times. No one knows how or why it came about, but for as long as humans have had organized societies, there were always those extremely intelligent few who found comfort in solitude. Why, then, does autism seem so prevalent now? It's because autistic people have been forced into an unnatural environment that makes them easier to spot.
Up until the industrial revolution, most human settlements were never larger than 150 people. That's also the maximum number of names and faces that the average person can remember at any given time. As the population grew and technology advanced at an exponential rate, people migrated to cities not only to enrich themselves, but because the economic system under which we currently live demands constant growth. It accomplishes this not only by creating new and increasingly unnatural systems and ideas, but also by discarding the old ways. In other words, we now live under the reign of quantity. Autistic people suffer immensely from this arrangement.
The modern world is obsessed with quantifying everything in creation, all in the service of maximizing economic growth. This logically leads it to rejecting God and religion because it cannot comprehend that which cannot be quantified. If something cannot be plotted on a graph, then it might as well not exist. They try to give this a positive spin by saying they're "liberating" people from the "oppression" of religious dogma. They failed to realize that by abandoning God, people have become lost and confused. Autistic people, even moreso.
I confess that I used to be an atheist. I was convinced by the juvenile line of reasoning that there was no scientific evidence for God's existence. It wasn't until years later that I realized the logical conclusions of the worldview I held, and how psychologically destructive it was. I was hopelessly depressed and I did not understand why. I was convinced it was some sort of chemical imbalance in the brain and tried to treat it with various pharmaceuticals and other scientific tools, but nothing worked. As the years passed, I became a nihilist in a foolish attempt to rid myself of that inexplicable malaise, but to no avail. Convincing myself there was no absolute truth did not magically make my depression an illusion. I did whatever made me feel good, but I still felt miserable. No amount of material pleasures could ever fill the spiritual void in my heart. And then one day, I let go of my pride and decided to earnestly hear out the arguments for God's existence. It was then I realized that He was very real, and I broke free of the depression I was trapped in for 15 years.
Unfortunately, most autistic people are not so lucky. They crave a sense of purpose, yet they are trapped in a nihilistic and hedonistic society that refuses to give them one. Modern civilization doesn't care about heavenly virtue or achieving oneness with God, it only cares about growing the GDP and consuming products.
As the economy grows ever larger and more complex, it corrals even more people into cities to exert greater control over them. Urban life is bad enough for a normie. Now imagine how hard it is for autistic people. You're living in a tiny apartment in a tall tower. You feel like a miserable insect in a concrete hive. The people above you are playing their loud music all day, every day. The couple below you is constantly fighting. Your next door neighbor is selling drugs. Privacy is but a fantasy for you. The stench of smog and sewage constantly hangs in the air. The bright lights hurt your eyes. Every day you're forced to walk the crowded streets. Your anxiety builds as you're stuffed like a sardine into a subway car. You try your best to not stare at the crazy vagrants. You avoid all the dirty needles scattered on the floor as if they were poisonous caltrops. You struggle to focus on your work because you're unable to filter out the background noise in the office. You can't express your honest thoughts and feelings out of fear of offending your co-workers and subsequently getting fired. You keep yourself from having a freakout, but your mind is plagued by the thought that you might one day fail. Once you get back home late at night, you ask yourself, "Is this really what the rest of my life will be like?"
And that's assuming an autistic person is lucky enough to get a job. The unemployment rate among autistic people is 85%. That's because most jobs available nowadays are service jobs, and autistic people are terrible at those. This is what I mean when I say that autistic people have been forced into an unnatural environment. Socioeconomic factors have compelled them to live in close proximity to large amounts of people despite it giving them immense anxiety. They can't get a job because they don't have the social skills necessary. The sustained sensory assault psychologically tortures them. Worst of all is that they're given no guidance. They're thrown into the concrete jungle and told to figure it out on their own. It's no wonder an alarming number of autistic people end up committing suicide.
Since modernity rejects any notion of the divine, it sees all problems as technical problems. Upon seeing the misery that plagues the land, it tries to take away people's unhappiness by turning sins into virtues and giving everyone access to cheap junk food, pornography, and many other forms of decadence. It's depressing to see how many autistic people have become addicted to porn or some other vice. It's not their fault. They're trapped in a society that glorifies sin and encourages endless consumption. I pray every day that they break free from these self-destructive behaviors.
Some autistic people have found solace in computer science, which, if you think about it, is the modern form of wizardry. Computer programs are essentially complex alchemical formulae. Typing commands into a terminal is like reciting an incantation. And what is more magical than giving sand the ability to think? Every form of wizardry in the past was used to accomplish a higher goal, whether it be getting closer to God or unraveling the secrets of His creation. The modern world, on the other hand, offers no goal other than the pursuit of personal pleasure and the accumulation of material goods. It took computer science and corrupted it from something that could form communities and disseminate knowledge to just another tool of social control and economic growth. I would weep bitterly if I knew that something beautiful I had created was used for the exact opposite of what I had intended.
The situation seems hopeless for autistic people such as myself, but there is one silver lining: this system of perpetual economic growth, endless consumption, and nihilistic hedonism is unsustainable. It will one day collapse, and from its ashes will arise something better, something more natural, something that reaches up to Heaven, something that treats autistic people with dignity and respect. Blessed are these contemporary hermits, mystics, and wizards, for they will be the guardians of knowledge in the centuries to come.
***
(This web page was proudly made with free and open source software.)